At least it's not a 4 drink minimum.

It's not a hard concept: you buy a ticket, then you have to buy at least one drink.  It doesn't have to be alcoholic, just needs to be a drink.  The tickets are $9, and the cheapest drinks are $4, so the least you're walking away with is $13 per person.  Considering you get a drink in the deal, that's pretty freakin' sweet compared to a major theater chain.

And yet some would equate that with asking for 8 pints of blood!  We've had more than a few people walk out in a rage when we tell them about the 1 drink minimum.

The ones most upset about the policy generally tend to be older folks who probably see an old theater and think that ticket prices will be as old as the building.

But quite frankly, tickets don't cost a nickel anymore.  The movies we show have to be paid for somehow, and it's only going to get more expensive.

And to be honest, it's not like the theater even makes money on the tickets.  Out of those $9 we charge, around 7 of those George Washington portraits go to the studios and distributors.  That's right: we don't make any profit on the tickets.

And it's not like we get the films for free, either.  With us making about $2 per ticket, we'd need 1000 people to come see the movie in order to cover the cost we pay the distributor for the right to play it in our theater.  You can understand how difficult it can be to run this place when we get suckered into playing bad movies.  And this doesn't even bring into account the operating costs of playing the film, like electricity, replacement projector lamps, and equipment maintenance.

This is why the concessions at movie theaters cost so much.  It's the only way we can make money.  We can't raise the prices of the tickets, of course, since the studios would demand an even bigger cut of the ticket sales.  The only way we can stay alive is by selling concessions, and having a 1 drink minimum is really the least asshole-ish way of staying afloat and stopping people from smuggling in their own food.

That's another thing: people who bring in their own food are also more likely to scream bloody murder over the 1 drink policy.  Jerks.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, right?

Besides, who's going to sit through a 2-hour movie without a soda or something?  If nothing else, the minimum gives you an excuse to have a beer or glass of wine, right?

Happy Big Fat Liar Day!

Or should I say "Happy New Year?"  Meh, same difference.

Yes, tomorrow marks a new year, and as such the day when billions of us lie to ourselves, promising that this year will be better.

Oh, but of course you really mean it.  You're actually going to loose weight, drink less, and be more responsible.

Right.  Gimme a call when that happens

Two guys walk into a bar...

They have a few drinks, then they hear there's an old movie theater just a block away playing that new western flick with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon.  They head on over, see the box office that juts into the sidewalk a little, and look to see if anyone's in there.

Nope.  Nobody manning the box office.  Just a bunch of junk piled in there and a note on the window saying "Please purchase tickets inside."

Not a very good first impression, if you ask me.  So what did we do?  We cleaned it out.

But that's not a complete solution.  A box office greatly lends itself to the experience people get when they visit the theater, especially an old place like this one, and it would certainly be to our advantage to employ that piece of the architecture.

Unfortunately, with a staff of three people and business being down, we can't really afford to put someone in there.  In the meantime, however, we've cleaned it out so it looks significantly less like a hurricane blew through.  For now, the "Purchase tickets inside" sign will have to suffice.  And we don't really want people standing in the cold to buy tickets.  It might make them grumpy.  That's bad for our tips.

Now Playing...

What's new with me? Well, for starters, I've gotten a job in the movie business!

Don't get too excited.  I'm not a cameraman, gaffer, editor or even a grip.  I'm a movie theater attendant.

What does that entail, you may ask?  Well, have you ever wondered who sets up the projector, makes your popcorn, and cleans up said popcorn when the 3-year old in the seat ahead of you decides to throw a hissy fit?  Well, that's us.  More specifically, 3 of us.

Now, before you call me out saying "You can't run a movie theater with just three people," let me tell you that this particular theater can even be run by just two people, and it typically is just two of us.

No, this is not a magical theater (although that would be epically awesome), nor do we have a small army of robots to perform the menial labor (which would be an even more epic magnitude of awesome).  We do, however, have only two screens.  That means just two movies at a time, and on a weekday, that's easily manageable.

Now, I am on the fence about whether to specifically name the theater.  On the one hand, business isn't so good, and the place could use some free publicity.  On the other, this is a nation of lawyers, and saying the wrong thing, no matter how justified, could land me in trouble.  I really don't want legal trouble.

For now, I'll keep a tight lip on the name, and tell stories as they happen.  That's all for now!

Busy...

There will not be an episode of The Unemployment Logs this week.  Why? Because I'm busy, that's why.  I've started work on a new property, as well as a project for my parents.

Also, The Unemployment Logs will no longer be a regular piece.  Instead, I'll release an episode whenever I get together with a fellow unemployed filmmaker to show off their stuff.

That's all for now.